Being a Woman Means Survival
I'm a female because I was born with all the anatomical parts that doctors said made me a female baby. Being a girl meant having a vagina.
I first knew I was a girl when my Daddy told me I was his little girl. Mama called me principessa. Boys didn't wear dresses and bows. Being a girl meant being different than boys.
One time, a boy in the nursery tried to kiss me on the mouth. I was six years old and I didn't like it. He also kissed a lot of other girls. Being a girl meant running away from that boy with all the other girls.
There was a man in our old church who liked to give us kids candy and help us shoot the basketball in the gym. Someone found out he had been arrested for molesting young girls. Being a girl meant being taken advantage of.
In middle school, I took logic and Latin classes with boys. My teacher told us we could do whatever we set our minds to. My dad told me that too. Being a girl meant I was just as smart as a boy.
In high school, I interviewed for a hostess position at an Italian restaurant. I got the job in five minutes. The owner said, "she's pretty and Italian; put her in the front." Being a girl meant I could get a job more easily if I was pretty.
I had a French professor in college who spoke Wolof and French fluently and had traveled the world extensively. Her mind worked quickly and brilliantly like Sherlock Holmes, lacing every inch of her speech with historical reference and intense detail. One day, she told us she wouldn't be in class tomorrow because she and some other professors were "raising hell" in front of the chancellor about funding cuts for liberal arts departments. Her office was an old janitor's closet under the stairs. Being a woman meant being accomplished, undervalued, and feisty.
I married shortly after I finished college. My parents were worried it was too soon. I had a whole future ahead of me and marriage could take that opportunity away. My husband turned out to be my greatest champion--he still reminds me every week that I can do anything I set my mind to; I don't need a drop of makeup; I can write a New York Times Best Seller, and I can take care of myself any day without his help. I've never once felt undermined for being a woman around him; he's the most fair and equitable person I know. Being a woman meant being loved and adored for who I am.
One time, I was sitting at a table with a group of guys and I tried to explain an answer to a question from my field of expertise, but I was interrupted five times and finally gave up. Another time, I was in a professional interview and the man interviewing me wouldn't look me in the eyes; he looked in other places. Being a woman meant being ignored and sexualized.
My mom got her master's degree and went to work. Then she decided to get another one while working full time, playing the banjo, knitting, embracing therapy, and taking yoga classes. She's 59. Being a woman meant being resilient in finding happiness.
When I taught English in Afghanistan to a group of women, I'd watch them scuttle inside with their burqas and head scarves swooshing this way and that, elegantly sliding off their mud-covered shoes, and carrying piles of books inside. Some of them walked for miles in one of the most dangerous countries for women on this planet; most of them had already spent a whole day at school. I'll never forget what one girl said to me, "we need women to work again in Afghanistan. This country was its best when women had careers." Being Afghan meant being a strong woman.
In India, drive through any of the rural areas and you'll see saffron-clad women in saris, sometimes with babies strapped to their hips, working the fields--harvesting wheat, collecting dung, picking tea. The men are usually sitting, chewing tobacco, while women carry twice their weight on their heads and backs. An NGO I work with gives microloans to women in rural communities to manage farms because they've proven themselves to be more profitable with the land and more financially responsible. Being a woman meant managing many people's expectations.
I live in a country whose president objectifies and demeans women for being female. He sees real women's body parts as something he's allowed to touch without acquiescence and readily comments on without an ounce of respect. To splinter any human being into the parts you deem valuable will make them less equal in your eyes and in the eyes of others as well. Women have long-endured being overridden, overlooked, abused, raped, controlled, persuaded, objectified, demoralized, and sexualized--a strange irony considering women are the life-bearers on this planet. Men with true respect for women do not fracture them.
Being a woman means survival.
I first knew I was a girl when my Daddy told me I was his little girl. Mama called me principessa. Boys didn't wear dresses and bows. Being a girl meant being different than boys.
One time, a boy in the nursery tried to kiss me on the mouth. I was six years old and I didn't like it. He also kissed a lot of other girls. Being a girl meant running away from that boy with all the other girls.
There was a man in our old church who liked to give us kids candy and help us shoot the basketball in the gym. Someone found out he had been arrested for molesting young girls. Being a girl meant being taken advantage of.
In middle school, I took logic and Latin classes with boys. My teacher told us we could do whatever we set our minds to. My dad told me that too. Being a girl meant I was just as smart as a boy.
In high school, I interviewed for a hostess position at an Italian restaurant. I got the job in five minutes. The owner said, "she's pretty and Italian; put her in the front." Being a girl meant I could get a job more easily if I was pretty.
I had a French professor in college who spoke Wolof and French fluently and had traveled the world extensively. Her mind worked quickly and brilliantly like Sherlock Holmes, lacing every inch of her speech with historical reference and intense detail. One day, she told us she wouldn't be in class tomorrow because she and some other professors were "raising hell" in front of the chancellor about funding cuts for liberal arts departments. Her office was an old janitor's closet under the stairs. Being a woman meant being accomplished, undervalued, and feisty.
I married shortly after I finished college. My parents were worried it was too soon. I had a whole future ahead of me and marriage could take that opportunity away. My husband turned out to be my greatest champion--he still reminds me every week that I can do anything I set my mind to; I don't need a drop of makeup; I can write a New York Times Best Seller, and I can take care of myself any day without his help. I've never once felt undermined for being a woman around him; he's the most fair and equitable person I know. Being a woman meant being loved and adored for who I am.
One time, I was sitting at a table with a group of guys and I tried to explain an answer to a question from my field of expertise, but I was interrupted five times and finally gave up. Another time, I was in a professional interview and the man interviewing me wouldn't look me in the eyes; he looked in other places. Being a woman meant being ignored and sexualized.
My mom got her master's degree and went to work. Then she decided to get another one while working full time, playing the banjo, knitting, embracing therapy, and taking yoga classes. She's 59. Being a woman meant being resilient in finding happiness.
When I taught English in Afghanistan to a group of women, I'd watch them scuttle inside with their burqas and head scarves swooshing this way and that, elegantly sliding off their mud-covered shoes, and carrying piles of books inside. Some of them walked for miles in one of the most dangerous countries for women on this planet; most of them had already spent a whole day at school. I'll never forget what one girl said to me, "we need women to work again in Afghanistan. This country was its best when women had careers." Being Afghan meant being a strong woman.
In India, drive through any of the rural areas and you'll see saffron-clad women in saris, sometimes with babies strapped to their hips, working the fields--harvesting wheat, collecting dung, picking tea. The men are usually sitting, chewing tobacco, while women carry twice their weight on their heads and backs. An NGO I work with gives microloans to women in rural communities to manage farms because they've proven themselves to be more profitable with the land and more financially responsible. Being a woman meant managing many people's expectations.
I live in a country whose president objectifies and demeans women for being female. He sees real women's body parts as something he's allowed to touch without acquiescence and readily comments on without an ounce of respect. To splinter any human being into the parts you deem valuable will make them less equal in your eyes and in the eyes of others as well. Women have long-endured being overridden, overlooked, abused, raped, controlled, persuaded, objectified, demoralized, and sexualized--a strange irony considering women are the life-bearers on this planet. Men with true respect for women do not fracture them.
Being a woman means survival.
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